My Kid Wants To Be A Serial Killer
My Monster is a contrarian. No matter what you say, she’ll say the opposite. Tell her she likes fruit snacks? Nope. She hates them. Tell her it’s cold? Nope. She’s hot.
I should have considered that a few weeks ago, when we were out on a family trip to see some Christmas lights.
Stopped at a red light, Monster pipes up from her car seat, saying she wants to be a ninja when she grows up.
I jokingly replied, “You can be anything you want, as long as it’s not a serial killer.”
…
“I wanna be see-ree-all killa!”

Angela and I spent the next several minutes desperately trying to convince her to be something else, ANYTHING else. But nope. “I wanna be see-ree-all killa!”
At least I can hope she’s young enough to think it just means murdering a bowl of Cap’n Crunch, right?
Update – January 5th, 2018
I have continued studying the subject known as Monster. Today, Monster spent half an hour chasing her sister with a plastic meat cleaver from a toy cookware set she got for Christmas, cackling madly. I am concerned.
Update – January 10th, 2018
The situation may be more dire than expected. My research suggests there may be a genetic component to Monster’s murderous desires. While on a cockroach-hunting mission, I discovered this at the top of her mother’s closet.
Update – January 17th, 2018
The condition is spreading. Today, I made the girls sandwiches and orange slices, served on Mickey Mouse-shaped plates.
Baby bit her sandwich into the shape of a mouth and placed it on the plate, then added two orange slices for eyes.
“Hey, you made a face!” I said.
“Uh huh! I’m gonna eat his mouth, but I’m gonna drink his eyes!” she said, smiling ear to ear.
I’m beginning to fear for my safety.
This one definitely tops the list of all time favorite conversations with that kid! 😂
*Snicker*
I’m sorry, I only laugh because I feel your pain.
Hahaha awww bless her! Well, at least she’s persistent in what she wants out of life… I guess 🤣
Persistent is a good word. 🙂 Stubborn is another.
Awww bless her hahah!